Agency 13 # 8
Revenge of the Normalcy Squad!
Enter Chase Storey: tall, blonde, handsome. His combed back, long blonde locks are thrown askew, and his gray trench coat is all torn and shot up. He's wielding a baseball bat, and it's covered in blood. On the floor around him, you can see several unconscious folks in gray jumpsuits, each looking like they've taken a hit to the head - possibly with a bat. He's not safe, though, because somebody just out of sight is still menacing him.
(That should do for a 'cover', shouldn't it?)
Notice: for those of you that are faint of heart, the following tale isn't exactly what one would call G-rated in nature. It contains a plethora of bad language, excessive violence, sexual innuendo, and of course, things that would get this story burned, were it in a printed form, by the more fanatical elements of just about any religion on earth. In other words, if these things offend you - you've been warned.
(That should do for a 'disclaimer', shouldn't it?)
***
"Wait a minute - you used to work for the Enquirer?!"
"You make that sound like a bad thing. I mean, c'mon, I've always done my investigative work in areas the regular media wouldn't touch. You know, like my story on Agrogenie's mutant strains of rhubarb - the ones that craved human flesh? Or maybe you managed to catch the one I wrote about those terminally insane Evangelical nuns, that trio who went on a nationwide spree of human sacrifice and cat burglary?"
Sticks stopped cold. She hated to think about it, but she did read the story about the nuns last year at the grocery store - she was bored, after all, and well, it was a good story. But she didn't ever think she'd be working with the author of that particular yarn - not in a million years. She always imagined the goons that wrote tabloid tales as overweight old men with overactive imaginations - not hard-core investigators.
"So, did that really happen, then? The nun thing?" Chase shrugged and lit up another cigarette.
"Of course it did - not that anybody believes it. The full weight of the religious right was brought to bear on the media, which is why you never heard about this anywhere but in the Enquirer. Nobody believes what they print - nobody that They believe matters, at any rate. Not that much of what they produce is even close to true, that is.
"But then, you've seen a lot of oddball stuff. You've even got freaky weird priestess-type powers. You tell me what's true and what's not." Flushing with embarrassment, Sticks stopped and started to apologize, when she came up with a better idea. She'd just change the subject altogether.
"Anyway. You were going to tell me about what Mike had you looking into when he gave me my first job with the Agency."
Chase was happy to quit talking about his tabloid days, and so took the bait. "Well, after you went off on your little 'vacation', Mike sicced me on some jokers calling themselves the Normalcy Squad."
***
He was enjoying a cool drink in Tarfaya, on the western edge of Morocco, when he first met Mike 013. The man was quite striking, at least in regard to the folks around him, in that he was wearing a red stretch fabric shirt, black trousers, and a yellow belt holding all manner of odd accoutrements. He even knew Chase by first name, which wasn't too surprising; his investigation into various disappearances in the area had raised several authoritative eyebrows of late.
He was expecting the police, however, not this oddly dressed man. Smelling a whole new brand of story, Chase invited the man to his table and ordered another drink as he sifted through his notes. On a hill overlooking the Atlantic ocean, this café was Chase's favorite local hangout, and the peaceful atmosphere helped him to make sense of the things he'd discovered about his current case. It was quite a story, too - possibly even Post material.
"So you're Chase Storey, then. Nice to meet you. The name's Jensen, Mike Jensen." Storey looked at the man and laughed.
"Very Bond-esque, Mr. Jensen. So, what can I do for you on this fine afternoon? Hopefully not be subject to some sort of interrogation again; the locals already had their way with me last night, as you can see." Chase indicated the large shiner on his eye, which was almost hidden by his prescription sunglasses.
"No, not quite. You see, I have developed the need for people with your skills, Mr. Storey. I need top-notch investigators, and a lot of them, to aid me in a rather... unique... endeavor." When Chase asked exactly what this would involve, Mike told him. Everything. Chase ordered another beverage, and then another, and began drinking heavily. The story was almost too amazing to believe, but then, he'd been in that gray area before.
Even if it didn't involve things of this nature.
"So you're telling me that you investigate all sorts of paranormal activity? In order to help predict things on a large array of variant earths? Riiight. But, since the Enquirer cut me off, and I don't have a plane ticket home, well, I'll be glad to at least get a ride back with you." Jensen looked at the man, knowing that he'd have him hooked within hours, and grinned.
"That's all I ask. Once we get where we're going, you're free to go. No strings attached."
The duo then hopped on Mike's private aircraft and made for the States. After he got Storey into the Agency 13 headquarters and showed him around, Chase was, indeed, hooked, and decided to work with Jensen and his so-called Agency 13 for the time being. In fact, his first job was to look into a group he'd heard some vague whisperings about over the last year or so, a group of paranormal busters calling themselves the Normalcy Squad.
***
He started in Elk Snout, Wyoming, just a couple of days after Señor Barnett made his report on the mission he undertook in that bizarre little town.* Asking the locals upturned precious little information, most of which involved Barnett's bizarre behavior while he was here. However, after applying the smooth on a local police officer, he managed to get her to reveal that she'd given a gray van a parking ticket during the time Barnett was in town.
Getting the license number took a little more than that, of course, but he did succeed in time. This, of course, led to a lengthy road trip to Pierre, South Dakota, where the van was supposed to hail from. On the way, he couldn't help but reflect on his luck - this was exactly the kind of job that was made for him: he was given free reign to investigate bizarre stories all over the world. And the Agency even paid his expenses!
In Pierre, Chase tracked down the van to a small, three story office building that described itself as a private investigator's office. It looked run-down and sufficiently trashy, and as such, would offer a perfect cover for the type of organization that he was looking for. From what Jensen gathered, the Normalcy Squad had no current parallels - at least, that were known - on any of the other Jensen worlds. So, he was walking into virgin territory here.
And that was his favorite kind of territory.
Kicking back, Chase began to observe the building from an empty apartment across the street, listening in on the conversations within thanks to a new, laser-based eavesdropping device. After a day and a half, he learned that this office was only one of many, and that there were six people assigned to this location. Furthermore, he learned that these six fellows were planning their next job, an assault on some enemy of theirs hundreds of miles away.
Intrigued, Chase waited until nightfall, and then made his move. The building appeared empty, as everybody that was inside had departed in one of their gray vans earlier to some unknown locale, and had yet to return. Furthermore, his laser ear had detected no sounds emanating from the place, so he was confident enough to try an investigative mission of discovery; this is what Chase euphemistically calls a break-in to collect evidence.
Of course, he wasn't going in unprepared. After walking across the street and heading around the back of the office building, Chase pulled his aluminum bat out from under his gray trench coat, and bashed in a window on the door. Making his way into the place, he made sure no security system was wired to the door, and failing to find one, crept into this den of Normalcy Squad operatives. It didn't take him long to find what he wanted.
The place had only one file cabinet handy.
Within, Chase found all the information he needed, such as a list of the Squad's offices worldwide, as well as the place where their main base is located. He quickly took photographs of these papers with his palm camera, as well as those pages that listed all the information available on local Squad operatives, and several of their missions. As he took these pictures, though, something else caught his eye, a map tacked up on the wall aside the file cabinet.
The unnerving thing about the map was that it showed a marker right on top of Rock, Nebraska - the location of Agency 13's main office! Further, it had small post-it notes all over the place, including one by their own office. This note seemed to indicate that somebody was spying on their base, somebody holed up in an apartment across the street. This was disconcerting to Chase, for he had no idea that the Normalcy Squad knew that he was there.
As such, Chase went to make a speedy exit, to cover his own hide and to warn the Agency that some people were on their way, when he was menaced by a body at the back door. "Well, well, well, what have we here?" The man wasn't a police officer, as the uniform was all wrong, but he did have a billy club in hand. Trying to gather his wits, Chase answered right away.
"Um, landlord? Your rent's late!"
This didn't work, though, and the man advanced on Chase. "Idiot. Idiot. You didn't think we had this place locked down? Of course there's no simple door security, but we have motion sensors all over the building. And pressure plates under the main doors, and heat sensors, and - ackg!" Chase did not wait for the man to finish his gloating, instead bashing him in the groin with his bat. Twice, even, if only to make sure.
"Argh!" Another hit to the stomach disabled the man enough to allow Chase to escape, and he ran back to his hidey-hole to grab his equipment as fast as he possibly could. With that done, he hopped in his rental car and raced out of Pierre at break-neck speeds. Within five minutes, he was back on his way to Rock, and felt safe enough to slow down. After all, that goon in the Normalcy Squad headquarters couldn't possibly be following him.
Pulling over after about ten minutes, Chase put a call into the Agency's main line, telling them to watch out for an imminent attack from the Squad. Once Mike 013 assured him that the Normalcy Squad would have a warm welcome upon their arrival, Chase chilled out, grabbed a burger, and resumed his drive to Rock. On his way south, way out in western South Dakota, he was proven wrong about that fellow in Pierre, as the man suddenly appeared next to him.
In an old Buick ™.
More than a match for his paltry rental car, which was merely a CRX ™, Chase was forced off the road, miles away from civilization of any sort. Once his car was stopped, he fled into the woods, hearing the man limping after him in a rage, but accompanied by others. It sounded like they were exiting a van of some sort, and Chase had a bad feeling it was, in fact, the van he thought was headed for the Agency 13 building.
They must have came back for him. As such, he stopped shortly after entering the thick, night-shrouded trees, hoping to catch as many of them unaware as possible. Soon enough, he heard the lot of the Normalcy Squad team entering the woods, and could hear them talking. "Spread out and keep your eyes peeled. These jerks fight dirty, and are downright surly. Just let Mickie pick him up with her mental powers, and we'll catch him in no time flat."
'Oh, no,' thought Chase, as he was hoping the telepath Barnett described wouldn't be present. She, of course, would have to be his main target, as these other goons are likely just normal humans, though armed with high tech weaponry of some sort or another. Before he could come up with a plan, though, Chase saw one of the Squad goons enter the trees right by him. Before the man could act or react, Chase bashed him in the face as though he were a piñata.
Candy didn't come out, though. Not by a long shot.
When the man fell, Chase picked up his gun, which promptly began talking. "Unauthorized user! Gun will self-destruct in ten seconds. Nine, eight..." Not knowing how badly this high tech monstrosity would blow, Chase went to throw it away, when a second Squad operative came his way through the woods. Smiling, Chase threw the weapon at the man.
"Hey! I think this thing is yours! It's asking for you!" The man wasn't happy about that, not at all.
"Crap. Crap! CRAP!!" Panicking, he tried to flee the flying gun, which only caused it to detonate on his back, and spectacularly. The goon fell flat on his face, unconscious, and though Chase was happy about this, he knew there would be four more coming, one of which had terrible mental powers. So, he circled around the site of number two's smoking body, waiting for more of these squad goons to come running, and hoping he could make for his car soon.
Or, perhaps, theirs.
Soon enough, two more goons approached, and while they checked out their buddy, Chase bashed them in the back of their heads, quickly ending any threat they could produce. Still no telepathic girl, though, the thought of which was really getting to him. Thinking the time was right, he made for his car, and finding it still in working condition, took off. It made a nasty knocking noise, but it worked, and that was all that mattered.
About ten minutes later, Chase felt a sort of stabbing, scraping feeling, which was apparently coming from the inside of his skull. Gripping the wheel tight, he tried to pull over before he passed out, but then the pain went away. Behind him, he heard a feminine voice. "Aha! So you work for them! With Barnett! Excellent... we'll kill two birds with one stone, then." Hearing the cocking of a gun preparing to fire, Chase swerved abruptly to his right.
"Hope you got your seat belt on, stupid!" Seeing the trees rushing towards them in the dim headlamp light, Mickie screamed in terror, for she wasn't, in fact, belted in. The car nailed the tree hard, at a good forty-five miles per hour, enough to total it. Though he had a seat belt on, Chase was winded by the sudden stop, and then by being slammed from behind by Mickie's loose body. After he regained his wind, Chase stumbled out of the ruined car and hid.
Soon enough, as he figured, that gray van pulled up behind the site of his wreck, and one lone Squad operative got out, inspecting the damage. Before he could collect his unconscious compatriot, Chase hopped into the vehicle and sped off into the night, leaving the broken Normalcy Squad goons to their own devices. He felt kind of bad leaving five wounded folks in the woods like that, but they could find their way to a hospital if they really wanted to.
After all, they had that Buick, still.
***
"So, you just left them all out there?"
"Well, yeah. What was I supposed to do, take them all to the hospital after they tried to kill me?" Chase looked at his compatriot in crime and shrugged, not knowing exactly what she was trying to say.
"Well, no, but who knows when they're gonna come back after you. Or the rest of us, for that matter. Maybe you should have just killed 'em all, you know." She wouldn't have, herself, but it was still a decent idea.
The smug reporter just smiled. "Hey, I'm a lover, not a fighter..." She gave him a playful slap across the head, and laughed.
"Fine, fine. But no more lovin' for you tonight, tough guy. In case you forgot, we're on the job, and need to get some sleep before we get moving again tomorrow. So good night." Sticks then rolled over, and seeing that nothing else amusing was going to happen that night, Chase followed suit. Of course, he rolled her way.
* See Agency 13 #4.
***
After these last two months of flash-back adventures, we finally get to see what case both Sticks and Chase are working on. Just what is the investigation that these two Agents found themselves on, where they managed to find each other? Well, all you need to know is that it has to do with a crazed super-villain, one who thinks that he's entitled to fame, fortune, and the whole world domination bit. Stay tuned!
***
Agency 13 # 8 - Revenge of the Normalcy Squad
Copyright 1999, 2004, 2012, 2023 Denny Hill 2
All rights reserved and so forth.
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